13

My eldest, Kensington, turned 13 today.

I have moments of sadness about this and other moments that skate by unbothered because Kensington is the type of kid that came out of the womb feeling much older than she actually was. There are plenty of times in the last few months when I’ve said to Sean, “I can’t believe she’s going to be a teenager,” to which he replied, “I can. I feel like she’s been 20 for 10 years now.”

She’s always been a bit more mature than she ought to be. Not in a bad way, but in a, “were you ever a child?” way. We tease that she’s an old soul and a bit like your favorite granny – she fancies an evening on the couch by the fire….reading or watching a British baking show. Likely with a plate of something delicious and a cat not too far away.

She’s the best type of old soul. She’s innocent and true and she laughs loudly and doesn’t care what anyone says about her ratty socks or oversized sweatshirt. Not in an aloof way, but in the way that we all hope to be. In a self-assured way. In a way where you’re certain she is settled into who she is and who she might become.

She turned 13 today and I feel melancholy. Not because I feel old – I don’t – but because I feel young and I yet I know I’m getting older and if the past 20 years are any indicator, time is going to continue flying by. I don’t want it to. I’m so happy for where I am. With who I am with. Doing what I am doing. I don’t want the years to fly by and for it to be over suddenly.

But, of course, I can’t do anything about that and I know that all the words in the world won’t change the fact that time is coming for me.

As quickly as she turned 13 (and it was a blink of an eye) she will turn 30. She will turn 50. I will continue to get older and the wrinkles will continue to appear. Sean will continue growing grey. We will both continue to moan about aching bones.

I met Sean when I was one year older than Kensington is now. It’s almost been 26 years since I met him and while that’s a common story for so many who have gone before us, it’s still a marvel to me. It’s such a good story and such a good life and she’s such a good kid.

She’s 13. It’s been a beautiful gift being her parents for this really quick roller coaster ride. If I could slow down the clock for the next few years I would, but I can’t.

So I’ll just hang on and enjoy the ride while it lasts.

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